"Well more crap with my ex. Basically I found out he was full on dating someone else before we broke up. He’s being nice to me now and all apologetic and stuff but that thought just makes me feel terrible and I’ve worked myself into a panic. It sucks knowing already o had to let go of someone I love but I basically assisted him into the arms of someone else. Like I was nothing to him. And I’m just frustrated with myself now."

Copied and pasted my reply I sent someone on fb. But yep. That’s where I’m at. Ya know i knew breaking up would suck but I thought we’d walk away cool. I left cause I didn’t want to fight anymore, not cause I stopped loving him. But i thought when we broke up I’d be like oh it didn’t work out but we had some good times. The whole relationship is tarnished. Even the good times. I look back at when we went to the zoo or the days we watched movies or cuddled. They mean nothing. And there’s no reason why we had to end other than his issues. I’ve been through a 2 year relationship that ended not cause of kindness but cause we just simply weren’t meant to be. So I know I’m not perfect but it wasn’t me. It was him. I think, a lot of it was cause I don’t have sex. It just sucks my first love was with this person. I sit around and think of when we first started dating and how when I dropped him off at work I would drive away and steal any glance I could. Or how we kissed so much it hurt. Or how I kept looking at his picture on my phone that I took cause I missed him. How I missed him even after time when I usually start losing interest. I knew I was in love… Or how when I got so upset right before we broke up he grabbed me and kissed my head. Or when we had a huge fight and I slept holding a picture collage I made him of us. Or a couple weeks ago before we broke up on his own he said to me he was really in love with me. Not cause I said it to him first and we was saying some b.s. reply, he did it on his own, unprovoked, as we watched a movie. Why lead me on? Why say that? Why not end it sooner? Why come in my life and trash it? He keeps saying all these apologies but they’re not enough. He used my car to go date another girl. He went on a date with her right after we broke up. Hey ryan were you upset we broke up, yeah I was but not much. I didn’t deserve this. Now I’m mad at him and myself and he’s made my self esteem low. I mean I never did some cruel act against him in our relationship. I did everything to fix it. I was nice I was loving. I even got mean in the hopes he’d change but no. If you observed us you’d hear my biggest request, love me don’t just say it, be kind, be like you were when we fell in love. I’d literally beg. He’d say yes but would never do it. Now he’s giving away what I ASKED FOR to someone else. That doesn’t make sense. It’s heartless. Why? Maybe cause you were raised crappy and you can’t see past yourself. It’s heartless and sick. Sorry you were sexually frustrated but even if I wanted to do anything you weren’t nice and I’m not attracted to mean people. He literally trashed my life and my trust and it hurts. I feel like I’m In a nightmare. I was literally praying before this to wake up to when we were first dating and save us. Make it better. I prayed God would lead us back together. But not now. Cheating ducked already, but that could be just a physical thing. But the fact he had a relationship, an emotional connection with another is low. And lead me on to use me. But like I told him sorry is just not enough right now. I’m in a panic I’m upset. I’m hurt. How dare he. I know he’s never gonna have a successful relationship let alone life, but I feel like I’m the only one suffering. You win ryan you freaking win. I mean the dude was CONSOLING ME AND SAYING I NEED TO MOVE ON AND IT’LL BE OK. Ridiculous. I’m tired of hurting. I wanted to marry him. I told him I wanted to look into his eyes for the rest of my life but he threw it away. My love like it was trash. Hope you’re happy. I’m broken hearted. Thanks.



"Rock" This Way!

photographer: Tom Bricker 
location: Walt Disney World 

Today we celebrate 15 years at G-Force Records! 



photographer: Tom Bricker

Today we celebrate 15 years at G-Force Records! 



via alizabear / 1 day ago / 75 notes /
You destroyed me, and I can’t believe I fell for you.
- You’ve hurt me more than you will ever know - (an-abundance-of-lainey)

? | via Tumblr on We Heart It.


? | via Tumblr on We Heart It.

via fuckboysdrink-vodka / 1 day ago / 23 notes /
I hope you will miss me.
- Six-word story (via extraordinarysitay)
via extraordinarysitay / 1 day ago / 15 notes /

(Source: best-ecards-blog)

via tblair64 / 5 days ago / 514 notes /

I’m not going to lie…

I wish we were friends. That I wish he was still over here. That I wish I never had said anything.

Mostly I wish he stayed the person he was when we first started dating. The man who became my first love. Instead of becoming this whole other person who has mean and angry a lot.

Well the crying has stopped for the most part. I’m more angry, and frankly, have been laughing. He keeps insisting on saying stuff to be hurtful, most of it is stuff I know to be untrue, all to get me to be pissed and crying. But I just keep replying calmly, respectfully, apathetically, and even encouragingly. I think it kills him that he can’t control my emotions anymore. That I’m in power. No I will not do favors for you now that you crossed the line numerous time. But yes, if you were in a dire situation, wanted prayer, or wants to chat, I’ll give it a go.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see him in everything and keep reflecting on the good times. But he seems to only cope with my leaving by making up hideous lies of me and our relationships. It’s making it easier for me to leave.

Sorry to any people annoyed with my sadness and anger, but my first love having to turn into a nightmare is simply heinous and game changing for me.

So I shall wait on the Lord as he renews my strength. I’ll work on myself, go try for DCP, and wait for the “one” that God has for me.

Although unlikely, maybe me and Ryan will cross paths again. Maybe we’ll both change drastically.

I wish this was all different, that we stayed the loving couple we were. Now I’m just wishing for us to be civil let alone friends.

I wish him the best I really do. If he stayed the kind, generous, loving, happy person I fell for, he could be a total keeper and go so far. I really will pray for him and always have my hand out for him. I hope he leads a good life and makes the conscious choice to be loving.

Time to move on despite all the different and confusing and opposing and frustrating emotions I’m feeling.


Go Radio - Go to hell

Basically, my break up anthem right now

via c-at-sea / 1 week ago / 105 notes /


Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra) - official video

Never thought it’d happen, but this song now applies EXACTLY to me.

via pinknutmegg / 1 week ago / 1 note /
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